The feeling of having been to hell and back.. is one of relief & fear. It's like you've lived through it. As you had feelings of trepidition.. and you juz dont know what else or how else to gt over it.
Haiz. Im juz glad it's been twice that they've left me on my own & I've been relatively ok. Sheesh. Sometimes it's funny aint it. The pple u expect to kick you when you are already down picks u up, and those u xpect to pull u up simply leave u in the ditch. Juz what is the deal with this life im not sure, But whatever it is.. I'll juz have myself to rely on. Seriously. It's juz me myself & I. A hard & sad cold truth.
So I was going on and on abt quitting my job, tho Im onli yes 20 & a few mths into my job. The stress is v immense. There's been days that I could reali feel the tears @ the back of my throat threatening to pour out.. it's juz that I have too much pride to juz breakdown like that. Yes it's hell. Yes I keep myself away frm others becoz sometimes kindness & affection will juz break through my defences. I try hard to remain strong. I try but I have to admit. I now know when someone once told me that I'd need someone one day.. I realli do. I guess Im lucky mom's still here. She's been totally great abt everything. I honestly cant imagine hw'd it be like w/out her ard.. sheesh.
One day I hope I'd be discovered or find someone myself who can understand the demands of my job & learn to live with it. To adapt, be receptive & be my strength during my trying times. I feel that that's the most important aspect of someone Im looking for. Faith that it'll work & patience when it gets frustating.
Becoz to be honest, faith & patience could be the last thing I have in myself.. but the ones I nd most. So pls God.. show me who is the patience n faith in my life.....
{the riddle of red}
