"Emotional health is the source of your physical energy." - Tan CH, 2008.
Ive been having poor health generally dis past wk.
Physically - drained, exhausted, vomitting and febrile..
and maybe, the underlyin cause was my mental and emotional health.
That I was thinking too much and worried far too much.
The things that mattered has been crumbling right in front of my eyes.
I have to blame myself, for failing to identify what was important to the most important person in my life.
When he voiced his insecurities abt my grandma and Zul, I juz though all he needed was reassurance. I did not know that it affected him so deep. I didnt know that I had to put in some actions. I juz wished I was more attentive.
Yet, I think maybe I was just too bz focussing on other things.. eg. my ill Granpa, my exams, e presentation.
It wasnt ez, juggling all of those. Everything was important in their own right. If I could shoulder all the pain and frustations and pain he had, I would.
When we talked about marriage, I knew that I wasnt juz looking at the wedding. But the phase of living with you, breathing you, smelling you, and having you all by myself. A lifetime of it.
I was ready to defend you, to love you without any reasons.
I knew I was ready to spend my life with you when I knew I could accept you for who you are, despite it taking some time. You made me realised that happiness was between us. Your love kept me going, when I thought I couldnt. You preserved my faith and you made me believe that there was such thing as real love, free of expectations and demands. You made me ascertain that I didnt need a degree holder, a rich guy or a hot looking one, becoz I was happy I had you.
It was wrong for us to take each other for granted, but I remembered the times when we didn't.
I remembered accompanying you to your friends wedding, even though I didnt wanna go there, coz it meant alot to you.
I remembered waiting for you in the car, while you went for your RC meeting.
I remembered going to your Grandparents house and falling in love with your family. I remembered going out wif Shiddiq and Nani and planning for a holiday.
I remembered getting rid of CockRoaChes.
I remembered bumping into my aunt at BPP.
I remembered abt me taking a cab to meet you at Bedok.
I reembered the 1st time I looked at you, and thinking.. he's so cute, that I asked if you wanted to have supper instead of juz going home.
And I recalled you plannng Samui trip for me.
I recalled you saying I look ok despite having rashes on my face after Tioman.
I recalled the day you asked if I was ready to get engaged, and I said I wasnt coz I was skooling.
I recalled your parents introducing me as your gf at your cousins wedding.
I remembered the day you met my Grandpa, and he said it was gd u were mr policeman, and that he liked you.
I recalled you getting me the Gucci bag.
I recalled you promising you wouldnt leave me.
I recalled that look in your eyes, that always reminded me how much you loved me.
I recalled you saying how much I was so similar to your Mom, and I felt so honoured becoz she brought up a beautiful person like you.
No amount of tears, or words could ever justify our feelings for each other, coz the mere fact is that we are both humans, infallible to making mistakes.
The fact is, we've grown stronger after all e arguments we've had, and I couldnt think of a better person to be my Husband and the Father of my children. And I can not imagine marrying anyone but you.
You taught me the meaning of love, about sacrifising.
You taught me so well, that I have failed to forget it.. and it makes me so determined to keep us together.
You are the missing part of the puzzle.
And "if you're not too late, I'll wait for you all my life."
{the riddle of red}
