Okay back. SO yeah.. once in a while, you find that there are lecturers who happen to be friends and also respectable pple. They are the pple that wen u have trouble..you can find comfort in them.. and you find that it is such a joy to be learning from such a person. She taught me during my freshie yr. And now, almost 2 yrs later, I still see her passion when she teaches. As a senior.. thr's many kinds of nurses that I've worked with and many kind of lecturers that I've learnt from. And though some maybe the most attractive, young and full of life...some of them may lack the kind of knowledge and wisdom that the senior ones have. Sometimes they lack of the heart to care as much as the older ones. During my psychology class, a lecturer had once given dis quote to us: "life is lived forward, but understood backwards." Maybe that'll explain why the senior lecturers understand so much about our disappointments. And also the ones to be joyed when we've done so well. I've cried and hugged my yr 3 skill lecturer once. Coz I flunked my practical.and through that,she's said so much. BUt most of all.. Ive often wondered where do they get the strength to carry on nursing.. when given their length of experience.. they muz have dealt with so much death.It is amazing to be viewing dis perspective. becoz being such a fresh nurse.. I find that I still have the jelly heart that makes me wanna cry each time i talk to my patients and listen to their story...
.. And I think the same goes for love and friendship. Sometimes the excitement and lust that we have for a person may seem exhilarating when we have juz known them for a short period of time. But when you learn more abt that person's flaws and shortcomings.. that's when the beauty unfolds. It's ez to love someone when they are trying so hard to please you..but when you love them despite all of their flaws....It juz means so much more. Sure it may mean that I start NOT to wear make up and dress up less..and maybe..even reveal the most unsightly aspect of me.. but to me, if ani1 can love me...when they see me at my worst..(tat includes shouting,screaming etc ..) it juz makes me feel like they are the ones whom I'll definitely grow old with. Thr'll be an undeniable day when I will start to have wrinkles and gray hair... and my body wont be as agile as it still is..but the kind of person that will love you no matter the circumstance would still look at you..as the kind of person you once were in your youth.
Tomorrow is my grandparent's 40th annnivesary. They are 2 individuals that I have loved and cherished all my life. Despite all my shortcomings and disappointments.. they still love me the most.. and talk abt me with such pride.. even though to most pple, I am juz a nurse. To alot of pple.. maybe having guys asking for your number is someting that is a very good thing.. but juz to me. . I wont mind having juz 1 person in my life. If I can be myself with that person. I wanna be able to laugh..and share my smiles with him.. and I want him to hold and reassure me when I cry..to give me my space when I need solace and to give me the warmth and protection should I need it. Someone whom I know will be proud of my unborn children, someone they can proudly call dad. Someone I can love endlessly like my grand dad.
Maybe it's e fact most of my friends are starting new commitments (marriage). But I feel that til someone proves that he is dependable and wont let me down..I m still waiting for that one person to come my way. Or even to reappear in my life. LOL. Till den.. I am becoming the best person that I can.. and loving all the men in my life.
To mk a point of what im saying here's a quote from a friend's email:
"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect
you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever."
And If ever I were to meet a man that is that insane, I'd be sending my invitations too.=)
Goodnight singapore.
{the riddle of red}
