Today after waking up from my afternoon nap, I went online to look @ friendster. And try as I might, but I cant help feel a wee bit of jealousy. I onli know dis feeling a wee bit too well I might add.
Lemme tell you why..
Back in pri skul, I had dis so called best friend of mine. We of coz we were in the same class during upper primary, but went into different skoolz during sec skul. Later on I went to do Nursing.. and she went into a N'hood JC. And now that I am graduating.. I've found that she is now in FASS. NUS no less.
It's amazing, yet heartwrenching to find out something like dis. It's nt tat I hate nursing. The feeling's more complicated than life itself.. it's juz that I feel.. why is it that she's the 1 who's in uni now..and of coz the undoubted question? Why do i feel like I'm the loser when in fact.. nothing much is lost?
Out of so many friends in primary skool. Thr's onli 2 malay girls who made it into local uni. The rest of us has chosen to juz go straight into poly.. or even better, drop out altogether!
=) I know Im being petty and I hear you guys saying that "oh come on Kat... You can juz finish off ur degree in a yr if u wanted!"... Tats true too.. so I guess I'm juz making a mountain out of a molehill hah? hehee.. ok la...fine den.
And den comes the inevitable part now that I am going to mention my one and onli pure chinese Ex of a bf. He txt me a day ago.. and today I was replaying a very trying moment of my life when I was in the LRT...
Somewhere during my education in NYP.. I had fallen madly inlove with him. I chose to let go of my defenses.. to juz lose all of my control (something I hadnt done ever since). And of coz he broke my heart ( i mean how often have you heard dis too familiar story?).. and of coz he had to leave me during my semestral exams. And I remembered breaking down in the LRT when I had finished my last paper. I did amazingly well... for a heartbroken person... but they always say..unrequited love always makes you do funny & great things at the same time=)
well..1 day Im gonna say something positive has come out from me writing dis today. Maybe you'll hear me getting married.. or you'll hear that I've upped and left the country. But til that day.. I'll be happily nursing..reflecting on my v young life. And juz living. As simply as I can.. undoubtedly.. wif all the heartfelt feelings that has harboured long inside of me...
Oh & b4 I leave.. the following song was played at the end of my social psychology class.
My classmate cried.. & I cant help but feel. If I dont have anithing in dis life.. den hopefully all the love that I have will tide all dis feelings away...
I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me. He said,
"Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I loved your Grandma so."
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.
Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, instead
Of her, I found this letter, and this is what it said:
If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away,
In the doorway of a church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray.
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years;
But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.
If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.
Between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.
{the riddle of red}
