To everyone: PLS DO NOT READ THIS SECTION. SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR MY ACTUAL POST
I know you'd read this. And if it is me who you were referring to all the while...I'd tell u sth. I didnt know it was me... becoz. I'd xpect you to realise that ambiguity doesnt mk e other party aware that you ARE actually referring to her.
Anihoo. I'm not sorry if I had hurt you.. cause that wasn't my intention. And you may hate me for being this way. But I've always believed against all odds... that I deserve all the happiness I have. I am selfish, I'll say that much about myself. All I care abt is me myself and I. Yeah Im self centred, self co-inceited and cynical. I dont care abt whose feet I've stepped on.. whose heart I've broken. It doesnt matter animore. You wanna know why? Becoz even if I were to apologise... and even if my basic intention was nvr to hurt ani1, you will just say I'm contradicting aniwae. I mean why bother denying every accusation and creating more conflict in the process? I'm sure by now you are happier abt the fact that I'm not thr to mess anything else animore. Things wont get ani worse.. simply coz. I've refused to let anithing affect me.
You blame me for pulling you down. You mk me seemed like the bad horrible wicked woman? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm just one of those gerls who always get what they want and hurt others when they are bored. I'm fulfilling your self prophecy abt me. I'm being that evil person. You can hate me & my guts. I've got my head stucked in the air.
BTW juz in case you were wondering... I didnt actualli ignore you, but....you knew you should just IM me if you wanted to chat.. or called me if you wanted to talk... but NOOOO.. you wanted to tell the world abt how stupid i was being.. ignoring you in MSN. I am afterall or WAS having my exams. But maybe you wont understand that... yeah like I'm juz me aniwae ( think selfish, self coinceited AND downright awful). You can complain to the whole world about me. But know one thing. You took that risk. I was dating your good friend.. yes, my fault for even bothering to be friends with you. But you chose... to LIKE ME. To let me mess up your hormones and brain (if it is functioning aniwae). That risk that made you yearn to have me? But like in the ferst place.. I've already stated it VERY clearly. A relationship wasnt what I wanted. You told me you already let go of your expectations aniwae. So what is this?!
Blame me.. Blame my ignorance. But ignorance is bliss. =) Hate me becoz I am happy. Hate me coz I wont love someone who attributes his undesirable behavior on my situation and self. Oh yeah.. and if you REALLY think it's you.. I'll tell you what..you know it deep inside aniwae. But dont hate me for saying it.. coz I'm juz reciprocating all the things you've said abt me.. Thanks eh boy! You made my day *hugz* I miss you behaving dis way =D
============== Cuckoo had cleared away from my head ================
Today was my last paper. Yes LAST. As in last time Im ever gonna step in an exam hall in NYP while doing a dip in Nursing course. The paper was relatively all right.. since ive gone all out to actually study and block everything else. Drastic measures were taken.. plugging out e phone and abstaining from going online.
So I went to The Woodlands library (Man, I love that place)... to study. I reached Causeway point to have breakfast at 10.. yes like TEN in the morning.. I'm so sleepi.. but i had to start studying... and ard 11 we went to Mac to start.. den an hr later the library opened its doors and we searched for a place to conquer...
So we spent 11-3 studying... and den we break for lunch... we continued ard 3.45 to 7... I got home by 7.30 den went to eat. Sent busu her dinner and spent sometime looking at old pix and watching TV. Made my way home at 10.. and reached abt 10.20.
I didnt start studying until 11.15 though.. and stopped at 2.45. I finally fell aslp at 3 +...
Then I woke up in the morning... grudgingly. Sat for my paper...
And after the whole ordeal was over, Most pple screamed. Maybe they were feeling euphoric.. but i so wasnt feeling that way. But i was happy i can slp now.
I proceeded to empty my locker.. threw away alot of old books..and posters and candles... it felt sad... almost every step i took.. made me reminicise.. I'm gonna miss leaving my bks thr... and... well the whole experience.
I went to complete my module evaluation soon after. The system was damn slow! It took ages coz..everyone was doing it simultaneously (The establishing operation was to complete our evaluations, otherwise our results wont be posted..)
The last place I went to on this v last day as an official student was to the library.. and returned the books. Alot of pple were mugging for exams. Cant believe mine is already over.... Time flies doesnt it?
Well.. I'm juz glad I put in effort for today. I'm kinda glad abt the way things have been. Ive met wonderful pple thr... through classes... and also maybe due to serendipity. I'll miss campus life.
But then... when I close this chapter.. I'm actually starting a new one. Alot of things in my personal life (think interpersonal relationship) have made me happy.. but things tat someone said..made me think abt it on e way home. I'm alone at home now. Yes I feel lonely. But I juz hope he feels better behaving the way he did. I juz hope he's doing well. Bcoz after all that's said and done... I just want him to achieve fulfillment in life. Something I've been searching for, yet to find.