Monday, May 30, 2005

The thing I realise abt me.. is. I haven been in love with ani1 new. in a long time. I haven changed much since I left skool. Im still stuck in that 2nd gear. Im still hopin that things will be better. And I still have trouble falling asleep at night. Slept at a record of 0730 even though I didnt go for ani midnight movie marathon or clubbing experience.

You see when I read my past entries in my blog.. I cant help but think that my unhappiness revolves ard MEN! I mean sure I have problems @ work, skool or even home. But nothing ever pulls me down greater than the tingling sensation of disappointments, lost hope & broken promises.

I mean other than that, I am relatively happy. It dawned on me that even though other pple may have bigger homes, better careers, attnd fantastic skools or have everything else going on for them.. but still I am happy, living in a 3 rm flat, in a messed up room, working as a Nurse & having attended a gangsta paradise of a skool.

I love my parents. Im happy with them.. coz they pamper me.. They love me even though Im juz me with all my shortcomings, my tempers & everything that is lacking in a much less than a perfect daughter. They are proud of me even though Im just a Nurse.. yet they think that is a wonderful profession.. they think Im beautiful even though my face is spotted with pimples & Im short AND skinny.. haha. And they try to give everything that I want. Watch the movies I want, go shopping when I demand that I have no clothes.. though I have clothes, shoes & bags that reaches the ceiling.

.. And my friends? Though I dont have many of them... I am still satisfied with the figure Ive counted. Its like whenever something's bugging me, I just have to dial a number.. and vent it out. How many of you can realli do that? It's like though we are all bz...I know that I still love them, despite everything that I've said.... It's good to have a venting outlet. And these are the same pple who makes good dining buddies...wonderful clubbing kakis...movie marathoners... shopaholics & library patrons. When you have so much of differences, but you are friends, it is the love that you have for each other that glues you together. THAT is the beauty of friendship. Which is much different from romantic issues.

Lastly.. I am happiest also when I am left on my own. There are alot of pple whom I have met along the way who finds it amazing that I dont gt bored being the only child & not socializing with anyone within a 5 metres radius. The thing is.. I have ate lunch alone (The mama was asking me y I was alone.. asking if I am having a late lunch hr...), watched TV alone, went shopping alone most of the time, went jogging alone & drinking coffee alone. You see the thing is. Alone is NOT synonymous with loneliness. Being alone doesnt mean you have to feel excluded. It is a choice of status.

And at the rate Im getting unhappy, frustated & ridiculed by exes, candidates of romance & gf's of my exes.. I think maybe I should let myself indulge in the selfish world of me, myself & I. I will make myself happy since no one can. I will give myself the gift of love & treat myself with care & utter respect. I would not tolerate anyone who's gonna accuse me of being bitchy or catty. And let me make it clear that I am not looking for anyone interested. I just want to be F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Platonic friendships, with no strings attached.

So there you have it. I am in love with myself. These ridiculous life of mine is a thing of past. I am starting a new. And you dont even have a say in it. *winks*

so pls dont bug me animore.. if u dont wanna be called a pest

You make me wanna throw my pager out the window
tell MCI to cut the phone calls
break my lease so i can move
cause you a bug a boo, a bug a boo
i wanna put your number on the call block
have AOL make my emails stop
cause you a bug a boo
you buggin what? you buggin who? you buggin me!
and dont you see it aint cool

[2:]
its not hot that you be callin me
stressin me pagin my beeper
you're just non-stop and its not hot
that you be leavin me messages every 10 minutes and then you stop by
when i first met you, you were cool
but it was game you had me fooled
cause 20 minutes after i gave you my number
you already had my mailbox full

[3:]
so what you bought a pair of shoes
what now i guess you think i owe you
you dont have to call as much as you do
i'd give em back to be through with you
and so what my momma likes you
what now i guess you think i will too
even if the pope he said he likes you too
i dont really care cause you're a bug a boo

[repeat 1 (with addlibs)]

[4:]
its not hot that when in blockin your phone number
you call me from over your best friends house
and its not hot that i cant even go out with my girlfriends
without you trackin me down
you need to chill out with that mess
cause you cant keep havin me stressed
cause everytime my phone rings it seems to be you
and im prayin that it is someone else

[repeat 3]
[repeat 1]

[5:]
when you call me on the phone you're buggin me
when you follow me around you're buggin me
everything you do be buggin me
you buggin me, you buggin me
when you show up at my door you're buggin me
when you open up your mouth you're buggin me
everytime i see your face you're buggin me
you're buggin me your buggin me