Do you know I haven spent quite a while laughing? And yest, me, Kamala, PX, & S went to PH at suntec to have a feast & boy.... did I enjoy myself!! It was fun fun fun! Tho I was still in Uni, S dragged me & waited tho I finished ard 4+.. I know Im a slow coach.. but hey at least we still went out.
I wished we had more time together like that and knowing that he was going to NS in 10 days.. I juz dont know how I'd feel. It's nice working with him. Realli. And oh? the crush added me on MSN. Hehehe=D *BEams**Beams*
So yest I was glad that I m nt e onli 1 who's paranoid that I wont gt married due to my job. hehehe. And S was going like come on la.. U guys are so young! And in unison we said.. well... at least if guys waited til 35, they'd still b considered an eligible BACHELOR.. but if WE waited til den, pple wud start calling us old maid... or even say if we were given for free, no 1 wud want us.. Sad & cold truth hah? LOLx
He's juz soo cute la.. I'd die n melt and go to heaven juz looking at it. Haiz... I was thinking of going shopping but im sick sick.. Like I shud go to the doc instead sia. But i realli haf no mood to c my GP. He'd ask me alot of qns. I mean of coz, someone who has treated u since u were a baby up til u started ur ferst job shud have a lot of qns to ask shudnt he..
Oh well.. Id juz entertain myself as usual. BUt i muz go out at least. Otherwise it's juz gonna be a self fulfilled phrophecy abt me.
You know I have nvr realli seriously tot abt it.. well, til I kinda juz gt tired of everything altogether. The thing wat I was seriously contemplating was whether it was alright for me to start dating gerls. I know I dont seem to be that sorta person.. But juz think abt it. If I haven met e man Im supposed to be happy with & those who cant juz dont understand they simply cant & it's time that they simply accepted the truth & moved on, then perhaps...it's time for me to hook up with a gerl! And besides, gerls understand gerls better dont we? From emotions right until THAT department.
*** So maybe... when Im ready to give up heterosexuality up, I might just do it! ***
And while that may tk up more than time, but also the issue of morality & me going against conformity of society... I think Im having a super huge crush on someone. And that someone is going out of my life in a short short while. Haiz. Yesterday we ALMOST went out cept both of us are overexhausted over work. It all boils down to the stinky 4 words sia.
Aniwae. Today thr is Gilmore Girls. Double Yay!
And to Nadirah, I have updated dis bcoz of u. Thr r more I'd like to talk to you abt. Do give me a beep wen u are free ya. Till den, tk care sweets.
The feeling of having been to hell and back.. is one of relief & fear. It's like you've lived through it. As you had feelings of trepidition.. and you juz dont know what else or how else to gt over it.
Haiz. Im juz glad it's been twice that they've left me on my own & I've been relatively ok. Sheesh. Sometimes it's funny aint it. The pple u expect to kick you when you are already down picks u up, and those u xpect to pull u up simply leave u in the ditch. Juz what is the deal with this life im not sure, But whatever it is.. I'll juz have myself to rely on. Seriously. It's juz me myself & I. A hard & sad cold truth.
So I was going on and on abt quitting my job, tho Im onli yes 20 & a few mths into my job. The stress is v immense. There's been days that I could reali feel the tears @ the back of my throat threatening to pour out.. it's juz that I have too much pride to juz breakdown like that. Yes it's hell. Yes I keep myself away frm others becoz sometimes kindness & affection will juz break through my defences. I try hard to remain strong. I try but I have to admit. I now know when someone once told me that I'd need someone one day.. I realli do. I guess Im lucky mom's still here. She's been totally great abt everything. I honestly cant imagine hw'd it be like w/out her ard.. sheesh.
One day I hope I'd be discovered or find someone myself who can understand the demands of my job & learn to live with it. To adapt, be receptive & be my strength during my trying times. I feel that that's the most important aspect of someone Im looking for. Faith that it'll work & patience when it gets frustating.
Becoz to be honest, faith & patience could be the last thing I have in myself.. but the ones I nd most. So pls God.. show me who is the patience n faith in my life.....
I remembered when I first gt my posting tat I was going in 46 I wasnt to say the happiest person ever... but well.. I guess time kinda heals huh.
So almost 2 mths since ive been here n 5 staff frm B2 stn already left. Come sept Sean would be leaving too... sheesh. That leaves 46 to be badly short staffed.
Aniwae.. other than that I m relatively settled...
Life's been very fast paced everyday. Everything's come too short.. And gone too soon. Days spent lazing over at McDonald's & going over to town after skool are definitely a thing of e past.
The days when I can still smell my perfume without practically using the whole bottle is up too! And dont even start abt make up.. haha. It's like the day I left skool. I left vanity, pride & maybe even a part of my youth behind. It's not that I've forgotten how to laugh or smile. It's juz that maybe we are forced to look at the fragility of life & relationships in the eye. No more juz learning it text book way.
Back in skool nursing management was juz answering a set of questions correctly but when you are in the ward it's really different. I miss being a student. I've missed the old me.. who slps very little but enjoy life to the fullest! Growing up is realli not ez. But when you actually do, you reminicise a lot of the days that's left behind.
I just miss my friends very very much. I miss giggling... until my jaws and tummy aches. *Sigh* I still laugh at work. But it isnt e same. Besides, thr's so much of politics! And I tot when I joined nursing I was trying to get away from it.. but well... here it is right in my face!
But it isnt all bad la.. the best part of nursing is when you see your patients leaving & smiling.. & it's then that you know you've done it right. You've made him/her feel comfy. It's abt feelings. It's not juz technical. sometimes to do a gd job.. you juz have to care.
It's when u & your colleagues help each other out & have sth called team work, sth 46 has that maybe other wards lack.
Nursing is never ez. And as a fresh new nurse, Im very sure not alot of pple understand that I have to stay back at work to finish what i haven done that occured during my shift. That I dont get my weekends off sometimes. That I can even work afternoon. Some of my patients call it social suicide. But if u lk at it another angle.. it gives u more time to do things off peak. Shopping at 10 or 11 in e morning b4 work. haha.
But aniwae... after all that's said.. I juz wanna say.. I hope that those of you reading this would respect & at least be kind to nurses. Thr's alot of sacrifices that we have to make sometimes. And having our heart broken everytime isn't healthy. *winks* Here's a happy nurses day to all.
May we all have a heart that never hardens
A temper that never rises
A touch that never hurts
A smile that never fades.
