Dont know y it feels so long ago that I've started work, as if Ive been working for yrs now.. but it's juz. erm.5 mths? haha. But 5 mths is long too. 5 mths would be halfway through a pregnancy.
I miss skool badly. I miss e slack-ey lifestyle that we lead. The carefreeness. The feeling of not wanting to shout nor scream and YET holding back. Almost end up tearing at work early this Morning. *Sigh*. Sometimes frustations does get to you. And you juz cant help it. but. "take it as a challenge and in ur stride." They say the more shit u go through, the more calmer n confident u'll bcome. But honestly. 2 transfer in 2 consecutive days? I could onli b silent at my most trying times.
It's funny to think the same time last yr, I'd be like maybe preparing for exams.. or post exams and having attachments or even holidaes. I used to hope that my attachment wont fall during hari raya. Coz I wanted a long break. So I can fast and do it well.. and also enjoy my celebrations. But it's so different when you realli start working. It's because you could pray, but you know u have to work during puasa & even the possibility of working on Hari Raya. BTW, dis yr.. I *PHEW (wipes beads of perspiration away)* am not working on The day itself. Thank you Sister.. for giving me day off. It's realli different. Coz I realli dont think I could bake Kuehs anymore. I'd be too burnt out to care. But I miss all the preparations. This yr I told my Mom. I juz dont feel that motivated to do much. Im happy it's coming. But. I juz dont feel the need to fuss that much. Maybe it's e reality of growing up & having that feeling that you know "what it's like out there in the real world" & Hari Raya is.. well, Hari Raya.
That aside. I muz have looked worst dis days. A colleague (One not close to me) stopped me in the corridor and told me that I have lost too much weight. My cheeks have sunken in and that Im looking paler than before. I of coz asked her was it true.
And perhaps it is. Coz one of the doctors asked me what would I like to eat. Prata or Bread and would it be ok if he bought it for me? hehe. It was sweet la. Him buying me food. BUT. then he realised I was fasting and he juz told me that maybe when Im not fasting.
Today Aileen almost bought me lunch.
I THINK I MUST LOOK LIKE IM AN ANOREXIC OR DEPRESSED TO HAVE PPLE WANTING TO BUY FOOD AND TELLING ME TO EAT MORE!!!!
And I guess I should make myself eat more. The stress realli makes me lose weight VERY ezily. Let's juz say when I was skooling I put on 5 Kilos, and when I started working. I lost 7 kilos in 5 months. Some slimming company should ask me to endorse their product I tell you.
Haiz.. Anyway. The slots to book next yr's Annual leave's already out. And I so wanted to tk the wk for my birthday. BUT, my colleague is giving birth. So she's on Maternity leave. And then I wanted the slot for last week of March. Another colleague is getting Married. OMG. She erased my name! Coz she was begging me. haiz...Can I juz have my leave without any benchmarks in my life? I juz wanna go on holiday. Coz we need to clear one week during 1st quarter of the yr.
Anyway. I haven gt any new clothes for raya dis yr. Surprise surprise. I tell u. It's different. Funny when U have financial independence, u juz dont have e time to spend it on what u like animore.
BTW y doesnt ani1 wants me to perm my hair?
Aishah
Pulanglah
( ...Sayang
Di hari yang mulia ini
Ku pohon keampunan
Hanya satu yang ku pinta
Pulanglah... )
Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
Kasih suci murni yang kita bina
Hapus hancur oleh kata fitnah
Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
Mudahnya kau menggantikan diriku
Seolah cintaku tak berharga
( korus )
Apakah suratan
Aidilfitri satu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta
Kau tiada di hari mulia
Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merindui mu sayang
Ku menanti dengan hati rela ( jiwa raga )
( ulang dari korus )
Pulanglah kepangkuan ku oh... sayang
Ku menunggu mu di hari raya
{the riddle of red}
