Someone who has his priorities in order, Me being at the top
Calls me 3x a day to hear my voice
Shares exciting news with me before telling every1 else
Buys me lunch when I cant leave the ward
Loves my family
Funny & sincere

If there is one day that I am gonna stoop so low. And gt VERY desperate.. that'll be my ad.

Im juz that sort of person.. who makes herself scarce and invinsible, once I think youe're either avoiding me or juz not into me.

It does not disturb me what we've done, what we've shared.

Not coz I dont care.

But becoz it's easier to move on if you allow yourself to, than believing in something that's not even there.

Dis yr's prove too much to me than I want to believe in.

And certainly, Im choosing to walk away from it all.

It's not that I m tired from being dis way. It's all been a little too real.

Everytime I feel that I am nearly there. The moment of succession, it juz disappears right in front of my eyes. Like having my foot stucked in the middle of a closing door.. My life is forever left ajar. Not opened for new experiences, not closed to leave everything behind.

One whole yr.. I've tried to believe that thr's ONE person made for me. BUT everytime it juz proves me otherwise. So screw all dis happily ever after.If thr's any happy right now, Im up for it. Maybe Im juz not that person who has a happily ever after. A fairytale gone tragically wrong.

So I m saying my humble apologies. Becoz I honestly think that I cant be that person anymore. Who absorbs all the crap. Who believes in all the shit the whole world has been bullshitting on to me.

I havent found that person who loves me, for me.

Who understands my flaws, my imperfections and actualli finds it beautiful.

Men in general juz run the other way when it gts to the ugly me.

So all I can say. Is. FUCK OFF LOSERS.

BTW, ah boy that wasnt for u. I still care for u. Of coz alot of shit happened b/w us. Im juz hoping we cud still b friends.

To the rest who pretends to have fallen for me.

Seriously. Fuck the hell out of life. I cant give a shit what you think. BECOZ. I am choosing to leave u and ur crap behind. This isnt Jewel's video clip. Im nt gonna b playing dis foolish game no more.

You cant break my heart. Bcoz. It has never been in 1 solid pc since yrs ago.

It had always been broken. No one bothered to pick up the pieces after it fell apart. what's the difference now? I juz dont believe in love animore.

WE can stop pretending now.

My weekends were damn packed.
AND. I was sick. Been having fever for 3 days +. V sian leh. Juz visited e Doc. Tats y I practically had no social life. Anyway went to the D&D for the sake of it.

And some of my friends were suggesting that I shud join the miss SGH pageant '06.
I think I'd pass it. Knowing I'd burst out laughing if they actually made me do some funny things! Or even worse, I wouldnt even make it to the finals!

Otherwise been bz studying. And sleeping. And working. Sheesh. And they say Nurses are some sex symbol. Some sex symbol I am.

My colleague can ask whether I wanna get to know a guy. Like I even have the time to get to know anyone! Seriously. I know I should take a breather from all these madness and juz calm down & breathe. BUT! HOW TO MAN.

Yesterday halfway through txting William, I fell aslp. Man. Already my hp is being v petty to me. Do you know I hardly receive msgs til e nx day? Not that I dont wanna change my phone. BUT v sayang la. The phone is with me since poly days leh.

Anyway. At work (I so cant believe SGH can be associated with "FUN") they were playing jingle bells rock. And I was singing along to it... Ho Ho Ho. Xmas is coming ladies..

"For making my spine tingle the first time we kissed
For the way your eyes still sparkle when they see me
For all the tears of laughters & sadness we shared
And for all the incredible happiness & more to come
I give you this ring, along with my heart."

You cant imagine what I am doing at 0200 hrs. Browsing through a diamond catalogue.

Y the insanity?

Well, to start I have 2 engagements to attnd to this Xmas, 2 weddings already to note for nx yr. And my sister keeps on asking me am I gonna get married?

Hw m I supposed to gt married if I dont even meet anyone suitable. Haha I know this sounds pretty silly. But I guess Im juz building castles in the air. Maybe Ive been attending too many marriage receptions or been accompanying too many gerl pals to their "mak andams" to choose their dresses and their make up. It's like everybody's getting sweeped up in it.So.. Ive started imagining what my perfect dresses would be like, in their perfect colours. What theme my colour should be. Hw I want the guests seated. It's fun when you can imagine what ur wedding is gonna be like. Keyword here being imagine. So what's missing is just the groom.

& maybe it's juz comforting to know that.. there's still hope to find a perfect groom one day.

Perfect just because I love him.

Wishin' and hopin'
And thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin'
Each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking
To find love that you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Cause you won't get him
Thinkin' and prayin',
Wishin' and hopin'
Just

Wishin' and hopin' and
Thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin'
His kisses will start
That won't get you into his heart
So if you're thinkin'
Of how great true love is
All you gotta do is
Hold him, and kiss him
And squeeze him and love him
Just do it
And after you do
You will be his

Show him that you care
And just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Cause you won't get him
Thinkin' and prayin'
Wishin' and hopin' just

Hey everyone!

Im finally done with my nights!!!!!!!!!

But it was reali fun. Even heard from a dead patient. He re-visited us on our 3rd night. Im so not kidding you. He passed away at home on Saturday & on Monday night, my friend heard him asking for milo like "Missy.. kasi wa milo" and the treatment room door opening and slamming shut.

This night round was eventful. What with newly diagnosed psychiatric patient and all. And so God help me. It was realli funny. Me misplacing my handphone and finding the Mac delivery guy EXTREMELY cute. I know so not related. But wth. Who the hell cares?

And anihoo... My colleagues were telling me to get a boyfriend. Which juz got me going like.. is it like stepping into tangs? Trying on something and purchasing it if it compliments you? who hoa hoa hoa..... But honestly. It surely IS the time man! But how to get to know anyone new or get hooked up when in actual fact I am actually someone who's pretty needy and YET i have not the time to entertain my other half. It's funny how in skool it was so ez for guys to hit on you and you can juz pass him by. But now.. God. So much has happened.

I was juz re-iterating to my colleague, Iza.. how my life has changed. And I dont even know if it's for the better or worse? It's like I was oh so bloody conservative back in secondary school.. I mean check out my friendster pic ya all..With the very virgin-ist white school Uni, braces & speckies. Im your very classic school nerd sia. Took part in debate, public speaking.. Sheesh. And den I had my ferst bf whom I ACTUALLI tot I would end up marrying... How cheesy!

And den of coz it all had to end. My own tragic fairytale. Haha. Of coz the relationship ended. My O's results werent so fantastic thanks to being sidetracked and me not taking it seriously. And den was my 6th months break when I actualli learnt to be a devil in the making. haha. It was then when the sleeveless and spaghettis started. And how I started to stay out late.. Getting hooked up with older guys and started to wear all e hipsters, heels, perfumes and make up. Hw I started arguing with my Mom. Telling her I dont need her approval on who I am dating. Guess it was all a shock to her. I mean to see ur daughter starting to highlight her hair and all. And den I started clubbing when I turned 17. haha. It was getting so much worse.

Of coz then I learnt to make out (My ferst bf was so bloody religious at that time).. and it was fun going out with lots of different pple juz as friends. But then I met din. And everything changed. I was turning 19 den. Late nights were realli cut back. Ive became more serious bout work and school. And I realli wanted so badly to do well. And even now after a yr past, I still feel quite lazy to club as often as last time. I rarely meet my Kakis. BAsically so much more toned. So much more dependable and quiet. (boring) haha. Maybe when you found someone who loved you and you loved him back with that same equality, being with that person was juz already sufficient.

But of coz with age comes alot of thoughts and maturity. You start thinking about ur future and how much the other party can possibly contribute to that level of lifestyle that you possibly want. And u start seeking advise from close friends and family. And everything starts to unveil. And quite suddenly, you realise that love and happiness wont guarantee you a stable marriage. Afterall, marriage doesnt involve juz the 2 of u. To fall out of love with him.. Is something that I dont even know would happen. And I still dont know if I have succeeded. But I have definitely been trying. He's done so much for me. So supportive of everything. And he's made me so happy, in a way I can NEVER imagine possible. In that sense, I can never see myself leaving him. But already my feet was out the door.

I can never tell him how much I have loved him. How much I've appreciated what he's done for me. If onli in dis lifetime, things wouldnt be so complicated. And social issues werent exactly a problem. I could probably stop typing dis. Of coz he's not the onli guy who has done so much. A lot of pple had. I have been so lucky to have been loved dis much. And to pple who have loved me,And you feel I cant possibly love you back. I know you cant see my view of the picture. And you will never understand how I feel deep inside. The very fact that I care but knowing if I actually showed it would actually propel you to have deeper feelings for me is complicating. I dont want things to get ugly. I cannot stop you from loving nor hoping. But if you do, you are putting ur heart on the line. And if I did step on it, I am honestly apologetic. I had loved you then, but I found it so DIFFICULT to understand and feel you. And for that I sincerely feel that we should be friends. If you find that it is too ez for me to hurt you. That every little thing I say that is mean would cut u even tho u should know better I didnt mean it. Maybe u shudnt get close to me no more and u shud juz close the door shut. I am juz tired of lugging around all these emotional baggage. All of us deserve to be happy. Treat yourself well. And find someone who can love you the way you want it. And if you wanna punish me for saying this. It's realli up to you. But I know you are above all that.

The fact is, If I am not that person who makes u happy and if ur heart wrenches juz when u r thinking of me, maybe then that isnt love you are feeling for me boy.