It didnt snow, but it certainly rained.
I cant stand him.. how he's constantly on my mind or how he would make an unwelcomed appearance in my dream.
Like gimme a break! I've been working hard, I've been so tired. And I just cant stop it.
I know sooner or later pple will gt bored hearing of this, but since this is my blog, I can say anithing I please.
It's been 2 mths now, but the hurt does not subside/..
Someone said.. When such things happened, thr'll always be unanswered questions, but you just have to leave them behind.
It's like a cliche, how w/out him.. the world just moves on, time passes.. but everything's the way it was when he left.
I know Men are wired differently.. I m one of those woman who reads too much into things. But who can blame me? I am a Nurse. I am taught to anticipate events! but this.. was definitely much less than anticipated.
I don't know. It's just so not ez. He made it sound like it was, but I can sure as hell guarantee it's not.
I just felt so lost like I have lost the passion to live (but that does not mean I'd rather die).
Things that I used to enjoy doing eg shopping, reading, lazing at the beach.. it has all lost it's charms. I have forgotten to love having fun, afterall I have lost what I had loved and love.
I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. Like I just do things, you know paint emotions on my face but I just do not feel. I m numb with all the tears that I've been crying nights after nights. My appetite is poor.. and Im losing wt (Im now 35kg). It's affectin me & I know I shud move on. But let's be honest.. This is gonna take long. I dont care how many guys I can have, if I wanted to. It's like..the betrayal is too huge for me to just let it go, to pretend it went unnoticed.
Yes, I made all those mistakes.. the blaming, the impatience, the having too many guys as friends and the thing abt the h/p.. But it was so shallow and such simple unimportant things! I still can't picture him loving sum1 else. How can I go on? I fight hard to not break deown in public... but my sorrows shows. I had loved him, and I was willing to accept the imperfections... why does God have to do this to me? I'm in so much of pain.. too much that sometimes, it's just too hard to tolerate.
It's just that I love him and all I am asking in return is reciprocation.
It is indeed funny that all these is reminding me of when I was 15 & hw my crush was infatuated with someone else. Judging from my appearance, no1 wud ever call me the Queen of unrequited love, but wat can I say, that is what this is abt. Abt giving what he dont want. Abt being thr when u're not needed. Abt loving when all he said was"it's different now."
I just hope I have the strength to carry on.
Thr is just too many reasons that I have to.
Of coz, perhaps if I was Beyonce I'd be singing these instead:
You must not know 'bout meYou must not know 'bout meI could have another you in a minuteMatter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)You must not know 'bout meYou must not know 'bout meI'll have another you by tomorrowSo don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'You're irreplaceableSo since I'm not your everythingHow about I'll be nothing? nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)Baby i won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)Replacing you is so easy