Sometimes, we kinda make do with the things we have. Becoz that is the process of adulthood.
Throughout this wk, I have finally learnt about what means to risk losing your loved ones. My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. The surgeons are not yet able to say which stage of it. So the whole of the past wk was home-school-hospital-home. It was the brink of exhaustion. Not to mention that we were rushing off to finish our presentations and essays due dis coming wk. And I had my bio exam.
I fail to see why sometimes the decisions we made, may not have necessarily be the best that we could. I cannot imagine losing my Grandfather now, despite knowing for a fact that dying is a phase of life. Sure, I am a healthcare professional. But cancer is still cancer. It's like a death sentence for doing nothing wrong.
How can it be ok, when you see life slipping out from the person you love? All he does now, is sleep in bed. He's just exhausted and in pain.
For all those times, that I thought I would die of heart break, I didn't. But this was more painful and real than any relationship troubles would ever be.
Despite being a nurse, I cannot look at my Grandpa and think. haiyah. Already 78 YO, already lived long enough. It's ok to go. Becoz it's not. There are plenty of centennarians around and pple have survived cancer. I'm not willing to let go.
Just listen to me talk. It's like. If anyone could have told me that growing up wouldn't be easy, I could have just listened to them. But I didnt. haiz.
Not to mention that, since I was forever rushng to and from school, I have no time for anything else. Gone are the days that I could lie in bed and think that I am tired. I deserved the rest.
Singapore is a small country, but everyday, we rush in the morning to go to wherever we are headed and rush back home.
We fail to recognize and be aware of what is most important to us.
And sometimes, when pple realise I'm still going to school now, it saddens me that some pple still say things like "blaja tinggi2 pun nanti duduk kat dapur." Which simply translates into why study so high if you're juz gonna end up in the kitchen.
I am just to beyond defensing myself that all I could do is smile.
I'm just tired. I won't let the small petty things get to me.
We are all humans with many flaws. But when there comes a time to make a decision, we have to be brave and just face it.
{the riddle of red}
