Dont know y it feels so long ago that I've started work, as if Ive been working for yrs now.. but it's juz. erm.5 mths? haha. But 5 mths is long too. 5 mths would be halfway through a pregnancy.

I miss skool badly. I miss e slack-ey lifestyle that we lead. The carefreeness. The feeling of not wanting to shout nor scream and YET holding back. Almost end up tearing at work early this Morning. *Sigh*. Sometimes frustations does get to you. And you juz cant help it. but. "take it as a challenge and in ur stride." They say the more shit u go through, the more calmer n confident u'll bcome. But honestly. 2 transfer in 2 consecutive days? I could onli b silent at my most trying times.

It's funny to think the same time last yr, I'd be like maybe preparing for exams.. or post exams and having attachments or even holidaes. I used to hope that my attachment wont fall during hari raya. Coz I wanted a long break. So I can fast and do it well.. and also enjoy my celebrations. But it's so different when you realli start working. It's because you could pray, but you know u have to work during puasa & even the possibility of working on Hari Raya. BTW, dis yr.. I *PHEW (wipes beads of perspiration away)* am not working on The day itself. Thank you Sister.. for giving me day off. It's realli different. Coz I realli dont think I could bake Kuehs anymore. I'd be too burnt out to care. But I miss all the preparations. This yr I told my Mom. I juz dont feel that motivated to do much. Im happy it's coming. But. I juz dont feel the need to fuss that much. Maybe it's e reality of growing up & having that feeling that you know "what it's like out there in the real world" & Hari Raya is.. well, Hari Raya.

That aside. I muz have looked worst dis days. A colleague (One not close to me) stopped me in the corridor and told me that I have lost too much weight. My cheeks have sunken in and that Im looking paler than before. I of coz asked her was it true.

And perhaps it is. Coz one of the doctors asked me what would I like to eat. Prata or Bread and would it be ok if he bought it for me? hehe. It was sweet la. Him buying me food. BUT. then he realised I was fasting and he juz told me that maybe when Im not fasting.

Today Aileen almost bought me lunch.

I THINK I MUST LOOK LIKE IM AN ANOREXIC OR DEPRESSED TO HAVE PPLE WANTING TO BUY FOOD AND TELLING ME TO EAT MORE!!!!

And I guess I should make myself eat more. The stress realli makes me lose weight VERY ezily. Let's juz say when I was skooling I put on 5 Kilos, and when I started working. I lost 7 kilos in 5 months. Some slimming company should ask me to endorse their product I tell you.

Haiz.. Anyway. The slots to book next yr's Annual leave's already out. And I so wanted to tk the wk for my birthday. BUT, my colleague is giving birth. So she's on Maternity leave. And then I wanted the slot for last week of March. Another colleague is getting Married. OMG. She erased my name! Coz she was begging me. haiz...Can I juz have my leave without any benchmarks in my life? I juz wanna go on holiday. Coz we need to clear one week during 1st quarter of the yr.

Anyway. I haven gt any new clothes for raya dis yr. Surprise surprise. I tell u. It's different. Funny when U have financial independence, u juz dont have e time to spend it on what u like animore.

BTW y doesnt ani1 wants me to perm my hair?

Aishah

Pulanglah

( ...Sayang
Di hari yang mulia ini
Ku pohon keampunan
Hanya satu yang ku pinta
Pulanglah... )

Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
Kasih suci murni yang kita bina
Hapus hancur oleh kata fitnah

Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
Mudahnya kau menggantikan diriku
Seolah cintaku tak berharga

( korus )
Apakah suratan
Aidilfitri satu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta
Kau tiada di hari mulia

Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merindui mu sayang
Ku menanti dengan hati rela ( jiwa raga )

( ulang dari korus )

Pulanglah kepangkuan ku oh... sayang
Ku menunggu mu di hari raya

Yesterday afterwork was spent at Little india. Hehe.

No, i wasnt on some journey in finding my roots back. I was juz thr to eat Thosai & Chappati! Yummies.. I finally got my cravings.

And I found the table cloths for Hari Raya already! Of coz being at Mustaffa ctr near midnight was like walking in Orchard Road during great Singapore Sale. There were throngs of pple as if it was onli midday instead of midnight. Realli sia. And it was a Monday night. Dont pple have to work dis days?

While having my delicious chappati, I saw some transsexuals as well. Some of them were pretty. It was a weird place to be at la. I mean like realli seh. It was like being in a totally different country altogether!

And I saw a cat which was limping. Poor thing. I wanted to bring it to a vet & my friend was giving me a very frustated look. So I stuffed the idea and we made our way home..

Took for granted of those days
Thinking nothin' gonna happen in my way
Know I'm wrong and I regret
For the things I did and things I've said
Come back to my life once more
So my aching heart won't hurt no more

You're my special angel, show me the way
It's just that there is no one who can
Ever take your place
So bring me back the days before
There is so many things
You have to learn from us all

I questioned why you left that day
Didn't say goodbye and left your way
A wave is only what you gave
The image will never fade away
I memorized the things you've said
And I'll carry it on until I'm dead

You're my special angel
Show me the way
Those children needs your lovin'
In each and every way
All I want is only you
Take me now take me far away

Tears before my eyes
Hangin' on forever
Shattered dreams go broken
In all through their lives
Words you always said before
Tell me now that you'll leave no more

You're my special angel
Show me the way
It's just that there is no one who can
Ever take your place
Words you always said before
Tell me now, that you'll leave no more

Cause I know that you're the one
i'm waiting for...

It's so nice to have a whether like today. Erm "post-rain" kinda whether..

Of coz I found it hard to even drag myself up. Felt like sleeping in til breaking fast but of coz tats impossible... So yeah was up & abt.

So finally washed my uniform, folded all the clothes fresh from the laundry & Threw bits & pieces away. What an achievement for the slob that I've been.. YAY!

William msged me. Got a shock. Hehe dis idiot hasnt even bothered to fwd any msg much less txt and asking me how I am. But all in all, it was still a nice surprise. Some pple think off days must be spent dating. How can that be when most likely 90% of Singapore's population are bz working or maybe planning what to do during the weekends @ work/skool.. hehe.

I miss skool life. I miss the food thr. The pple & us slacking @ mac. Haiz.

And of coz going to town after skool like we're so free. And catching movies, gossiping, shopping like thr's no 2morrow.

Dropping into town again later this evening with mom this time (Some hari raya related things. eg bedlinnens, curtains, couch covers etc)

Til den babes.

I think somehow or something muz b giving the vibe that I am attached.

Someone asked me today how many kids do I have!!!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.*Melodramatic sigh*

NVM bout that.

I've spotted a gorgeous skirt @ forever 21! Damn...It's like a must have. So pretty I tell ya..

I finally gt down to breaking fast in town at Dahlia.. After so so long of not seeing Abang Hensem I finally went to his shop... Ah.. I missed the food. Sadly my digicam's batt was flat all thx to Din. Dah tau pakai tak tau nk charge! Nie la manusia zaman sekarang.

After breaking fast we went window shopping but nothing nice la to buy until I stopped over at 4ever 21. So many nice things but so little time. Coz we wanted to catch Into the blue ( I had dis feeling he so wanted to catch the movie bcoz of J. Alba, I mean like you know la testosterones..)

So yeah the movie was alright. Nice bcoz it was shot in the bahamas. It's a beautiful place..Wouldnt actually mind living thr. Maybe shud save up a few thousands so I can go on holiday thr b4 I actualli die. hehe..

We headed home straight after the movie. And it was already drizzling.. So of coz me and my dress and my heels and his bike doesnt realli help the situation. Tho drizzling, the poking pain of the raindrops were so stinging! I hate riding in the rain.. haiz.. wattodo. Klua ngan org yg naik moto katakan... tulah .. maybe tu tandanye shud I wanna have a boypren mesti carik yg ada kreta!

Okla.. guess that's 'nuff for todae. You guys have a gd rest. most of u would be screaming for joy coz 2morrow's friday..... (FYI im working during the weekends.. so dont even TRY asking me out)

.... Juz an afterthought.. Would thr b a day I totally moved on from my past?

Started my day by waking up late (And Im working afternoon shift, and still I am capable..)

Didnt hear the phone ringing til I realised that shit it's nearly mid day. Despite that, I didnt rush through aniting. Still could iron my dress and wear my lip gloss.

I den waited PATIENTLY for a cab to appear in Gangsa, which miraculously it did after 10 mins. So off I went to work. Reach 1/2 hr early as planned.

So colleagues been asking am I DIL. FYI for those who are not in the med field, DIL means Dangerously Ill List. But DIL to some of us cud also mean Deeply in love or dangerously in love. So .. Contrary to popular assumption. I am still single. Tho of coz not swingingly looking.

Hmm aniwae. Today was 1 hell bz day. Didnt gt to break fast properly. I ended pretty late too. Haiz. So I went to 7-11 bought drinks and some munchies b4 hailing another cab coz I know for sure if i were to walk to Outram MRT, I'd miss the last train anyway!

My taxi ride was enjoyable. He was a malay pakcik. Middle aged. Fun to talk to. We had alot to talk abt. And he made me laugh. And kinda motivated me in a sense. Learnt that he had 4 gerls. Wow. And I m an onli child. hehe. Contrast. He asked me how long I have been working as a nurse. And asked me am I married. Haha. So den he advised me to find a spouse who has a good religious background.. and afterall, women were meant to be lead... not followed. It was nice la. Having someone human and non demanding to talk to.

I think pple maybe thinking it's pretty sad I think it's nice to start talking to a taxi driver. But what can I say!

Hmmm yeah and my ITE students were asking how old was I. Afterall most of them was calling me Kakak. Turned out that some of them were either same aged or even older den me! sheesh. Talk abt embarassment! And of coz none of them could've guessed I was barely 20. Barely legal.

It came as a surprise to most pple even colleagues that I am working on Hari raya.

Well. Part of my job I guess.

On a total diff note.. what wif pple asking me am I married or DIL, If I had the chance to fall in love without being so careful. I would love to do it all over again.

To love without fear of getting hurt.

But den again. Who's capable of that? To juz let your guards down.

BTW have seen the God ard. God he's so delicious. Haiz. Seandainya aku berpuasa. LOL.

He realli is damn drop dead gorgeous and deadly charming I tell you...

Aiyoh. Being a nurse aint ez if all my other health care allies are as hunky as he is. Damn!

And now Ive also feasted my eyes on dis new eye candy. Well not that new.

But recently I tink thr's sth new abt him. He juz lks different.

More. Manly?

haha. Ok. So stop thinking that I only oggle guys at work k!

It's juz eye candy....

Juz like how guys always check gerls out.

*WInks*

James msg me asking y have i been keeping quiet all dis while n not even replying to his msg.. Sumtymes I dont know if he realises that pple are not as blind as they seem, not when e situation is so salient.

So in the end, again his smses and calls went unanswered. Not that I wanted to forget him. But what's the use if what was good in the past was juz treated as a game.. and what is the use when lies are the onli truth that I know?

I juz dont wanna immerse myself in all of those emotional bullshit any longer. Yes I am damn bz and social-less.. but who cares? I mean at least I know no one is playing anithng against me.

I have been at peace myself for a while. Yes. I may not have found what I have been looking for. And yes. I might have been disappointed more times than I can ever remember. But isnt disappointment juz part of life? Afterall, we're juz mere mortals...

Talking abt disappointments and all.. i m working on Hari raya.. Of coz that didnt come as a surprise. And to those who are readng dis.. dont u guys dare mock me when the day comes k? U better b nice.. hehe

And I had my appraisal done yesterday AGAIN. It's like every 6 monthly. They were saying I should think abt what my interests is. I m thinking like. HUH. Ok. I realli do not know.

Yesterday a very young man collapsed in the ward toilet. It was scary. REALLI. It's juz so real. I mean it was the kinda thing that happened on TV. Not right in front of your eyes. So what I wanted to say is juz like.. realli appreciate what you do. You realli have no idea what's gonna happen nx I tell ya.

Of coz most of e times.. most of us get too caught up in life. And appreciation comes too late.

That man died despite resuscitation .

So today's lyk e 5th day of e fasting month.. and I muz say sometimes fasting.. aint ez wen u r mad. But that aside. It's quite fast. Was juz telling my aunt is it ever possible we fast w/out celebrating Hari raya? Im juz too shagged to do spring cleaning. All I wanna do on my day offs is juz zzzzzzz..

Yeah. And I think Im e least eligible bachelor. Any1 who gets to know me might b wasting his time. As I m forever too xhausted and ignorant to reply to any txt or calls. tsk tsk. This Job is starting to sound like a social suicide.

Aniwaes Butch is no longer in my ward...Oh n did i tell u? We have a Miss SGH pageant. Of coz I didnt tk part. If I dont have a social life.. how can I even think abt being sum1 who's in e limelight? hehe.

Thr's so many things I'd like to buy. And plus.. dis yr muz start to gif zakat liao $$$. hahah. At times, I feel like Im tooo young to be talking abt ani of dis (I am young ok?). I mean like already I m working full time at dis age. It's juz weird la I tell you.

All I can sae is thAT.... I cant believe Sister rostered me for night again dis mth.. (Bulan2 puasa nie)..& I cant wait for AL... haiyo.......

Today, the central portering manager took the opportunity to interact longer with me & Invited me for dinner even!

I guess after getting tired of being bugged by me for calling him after a few weeks, he has decided to ask me out? Haha. Anithing is possible in this world! I cant believe it. I think calling him & asking if he has received my fax is starting to spark his interest in finding out who's e pest who's calling him everytime he's a teeny wee bit late.

Hmmm.. Other than that all's been the same.

CEPT

I know this sounds crazy. But! haha I think I found a butch attractive. OMG. I think being a nurse is making anithing but more sane!

So aniwae. Most pple have this to say that I look to young to be a staff nurse. Which could be true coz then I m the youngest Staff Nurse in the ward aniwae tho thr are 5 of us who passed out the same batch.

Hmm other than work I have nothing much to say. Juz that I feel my personal life is either chaotic or non existing. Talk abt polar exteremes!

Oh btw on Sunday night on my way hm after work on the last train, thr was this one guy who played dis reggae song on his hp loud la.. But I muz say it is quite nice sia... Reminds me of my clubbing days (Nt too long ago la.. tho it sounds like centuries ago!) And I loved the song sia. ANd i so so so so so MISSSSSS clubbing man! I miss letting my hair down and having my gerl pals to shake and grind with each other lolx!

And of coz now that it is already puasa.. I guess we'll juz have to wait for hari raya.. and till den no 1 better play any bootylicious songs.. oh god! Muz mk a resolution ah.. muz go clubbing b4 new yr's!