Thursday, September 22, 2005
Once again, I had the luxurious experience of being a Tai tai. The onli diff is Im spending my own money. Can u imagine causeway pt was crowded ard 1? Like totally crowded with housewives! Esp with the JL sale.
And so my ferst stop was at JL, to buy a new mascara and a v cheap cheap top! Afterwhich I stopped by most clothes shop.. but nothing for me to buy.. so off I went to the library.. where my stomach started rumbling! So den I decided to go Thai since Im having the Tom Yum craving yet again!
B4 I went in, she asked table for how many.. and I said table for 1.. which I could see the surprise on her face, b4 showing me to a vacant table.
I had a good lunch.. til e extent that I could feel like I wanted to throw up.
Re-charged, I proceeded to go to the clinique counter to buy the re-fills for my foundation N also a small bottle of happy... and the gerl gave me 4 samples for the 3 way cleaning thingie which Clinique is so known for.
Last stop was at cold storage where as I was pushing my cart when a Makcik stopped me and asked:" Anak.. anak pakai ape utk cuci toilet kat rumah?" Inside my head, I was thinking along the lines.. Cik kalau nk tau, tanye la mak saya. Dia cuci toilet! hahaha.. But of coz.. I juz told her which I used den she said thanks.. Said her new tiles were very slippery.. And in my head I was thinking I muz have looked typically like a stay home wife that she may have thought I have had better knowledge regarding which cleansing solutions were better for toilet tiles. She would have had better luck if she had asked which shampoo was good for dry hair. Or which hair serum was good for flyaway hair, or which lotion was good for dry skin.. or even which make up lasts the longest. hehe. But toilet tiles? oh no...
I was reali xhausted last night that I totally skipped dinner! When my mom called, I juz said ok I'll eat in 5 mins.. 5 mins ended up til this morning! Haaha...
yup. I was reali tired. Tired til I cant even be bothered to think abt food. But work itself wasnt too bad. And Im starting my night tonight..
Msged Sean earlier on this wk to check out how he's doing. And haha poor boy developed in-grown toe nails. Shux that's disgusting! But anihoo.. other than that he is pretty splendid. I misssssssssssssssss him & it's great to know he misses me too. And I hope it's not juz a generated answer to that kinda statement if you know what I mean.
Ive been bz bz bz.. & When Lyn called 2 nights ago. I was even contemplating on not answering her. But well.. The ferst thing I said when I answered was "I know Ive been a very bad friend.." But I began sobbing as well which of coz breaks in horrendous hiccupy wails..
Y was I crying? I was telling her abt my hellish episodes at work. It was lyk... oh mi god. I mean I have talked to so many pple.. But I guess that was y i nvr bothered contacting her. Scared I may juz break down like that. True friends does that to you . It was great being comforted by her all over again. And it was then that I knew how much in this world I needed her N pik teng.
All in all, it was a HUGE relief.
And of coz, now I have sent my baju for Hari raya. So all's that left is to celebrate N of coz la.. puasa. Im still excited abt it, albeit the fact that my place seems like it's been hit by katarina.
Life's been routine-ish. I've been happier. But I still M happy now... Juz more stronger, and less naive. And when I say something now.. I mean it more tho pple seldom believe it as what they've always been doing since then. So to whoever who understands what Im writing abt..Accept how things are. Embrace the situation. Coz thr's nothing that you can do abt it. Coz it seems more like Im the stranger now.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Have I mentioned that my probation period is over? Yes I am a confirmed staff now.
So yesterday I met up a reali old friend for lunch @ delifrance Bistro. It was a short lunch. But it was nice. Perhaps a tad awkward but mostly sweet.
I haven seen him for the past 8 yrs. 8 yrs can be a long time but he hasnt changed 1 bit in terms of looks.
He wanted to ask me out again. But I doubt that we'd gt down to it anitime soon. Knowing how bz both of us could be. The thing that scares me most was we used to realli squabble alot. Sounds like duck and chicken put together. But the atmosphere yesterday was quiet except my occassional squeals of laughter.
He has bcomed so much soft spoken than I could ever recall.
We've become different.
And Din is coming home tomorrow. After a month of me being juz me. He's coming back. I dont know how that's gonna alter me. But I know it would.
Why is it time changes alot of things? Time is a great factor in a lot of things. Things that matters the most! And all I can do sometimes is juz to wait and see. SUch a passive act... Im kinda getting bored.
Ok la. Till den babes
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
There's alot of things that I think abt my life.. but little I can say or do abt it.
So many times that Ive fallen in love. And much more times that Ive fallen out.
There were then times that I was very disappointed.
And there were times I was only too happy.
And then there were times that I am grateful. And one of the times is now.
I am glad that I have a job.. of coz my job takes alot of my time. But Im glad that this job does makes me feel tired .. coz I know then that I have put in my best & not juz do it for the sake of it. I am glad for my particular supervisor. Becoz she has made me more careful in work and be less dependent on ppl ard me. I am glad that I am single. Bcoz I have more time for my parents. And I am terribly happy to have a Mother like mine. Who cares, loves and cherish me undeniably deep. I am grateful that I still have a house. That I have the money to buy things I like. That I can decide what I like and not juz to conform to another person's liking.
To be single in this day & age some have asked.. am I choosy? But well. I cant juz hook up with any Tom, Dick& Harry. But Maybe I could try some Taufiq, Fauzi or Hashim.
Hmm. And of coz I m glad I have friends. Those I have little time for. Those that I seldom see. Those that I think they might have guessed I have vanished from the face of this Earth. I am glad for the guys who've tried to love me (either failed or still loving..).. coz they are very patient to even try. Loving someone who doesnt have the time to reciprocate doesnt give u a gd vibe.. But if they still do. I guess it's called courage. To put urself in a position to be easily rejected. And most of all I am still glad God still loves me. And me to him. And I hope I'll be grateful for even more things in the future.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
There was once in my life which I did sth which was quite... Erm.. uncouth? haha. Was that too strong a word?
Ok let's juz say thr was once a guy who happened to love me. He was so persistent that I was very tired of saying no.. only to hear from him a few mths later again. So one day. I juz answered his call when he called. And when he asked me whr I was going to I said to the hospital. And when he asked me y.. I said that I was going to have an abortion. Yes my pinocchio nose was growing longer by the second but I was pretty convinced that he would juz leave me alone when he was hear what I was supposedly going through. But aniwae, needless to say my plan backfired on me. When after I put down the phone with the excuse that Im going through my abortion already, He came to SGH A&E to look for me & even went up to ward 53A juz to search for me. The real reason I was in SGH was bcoz my granddad was sick. But well.. In the end.. I admitted the truth... that all of it was juz pure lies. And in actual fact I hadnt even had e chance(?) to slp with anyone and I wont even try. But wat touched me the most was when I told him I was going to opt for aBOrtion, he juz told me that I shouldnt b so silly and wilfull.. but to instead think it through & think abt the future. Plus he added if I dont think, I should at least believe him coz he knows that I am going to regret it should I go through with it. And.. he even told me this : "Doesnt matter if it isnt mine.. what matters is that I can take care of you, if you will let me.. & I will tk care of the baby & love it if you'll let me love you"... I could juz melt & forget that he was the pest that I was trying to get rid off.
Aniwae. I heard he ended up with someone else. Maybe married. maybe not.He's a nice guy. Juz maybe.. imperfect. And perhaps not the one for me.
In the end.. he's always with someone else.



And a very old pic of us

Friday, September 09, 2005
It's funny how you found a friend.. in the person you dont quite think was possible. But Im glad I did. And it's a she.
Meeting ended at 5. Fuck. 2 1/2 hrs. Knew what time I ended work? 8.30 PM n I was a morning girl. I started work at 6.40 am finished at 8.30 pm. I dont know what kinda life I lead. tsk tsk.
Anyway. I dont know what that woman was going on and on abt me being arrogant and having an attitude problem. I realli cannot tk it you know. I almost ask her if she has anything against me personally. It's like she's perpetually picking on me.
And for the record. Yesterday was the 1st time I locked myself in the toilet n cried. I was so tired. so so tired. Yet I had to have it. I dont know hw im going to pull myself through. But I know one way or another.. I cant let it get to me..
I have to be strong, and juz tolerate this fault finder b4 I m going to ask for transfer next appraisal. Haiz.
Can I juz say I wanna gt marrieed n have kids n not think abt work?
Or should I juz give up nursing?
All I know is that neither is THE option. More like I dont have a choice.
Mmmmh
Whoaaa
They can say,
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone
To succeed hanging
Clouds over me,
And they can try
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in
What I believe or
Loose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's,
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
They can try,
But they can't take
That away from me
From me
No no nooo
Oh they,
They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won't ever win,
If you cling to you pride
and just push them aside,
See I,
I have learned,
There's an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that
They can not possess
So I won't be afraid and
The darkness will fade
'Cause there's,
There's light in me me,
That shines brightly, yes
They can try,
But they can't take
Hhat away from me
No oh oh,
They can't take this
Precious love I'll always
Have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will
Guide me where I need to go
Woah, woah
They can say
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing
Out of their reach,
Although they do try,
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to fall,
Tell me what I believe or
Loose faith in my dreams,
'Cause there's a light in me,
That shines brightly yes
They can try but they can't
Take that away from
Me
From me
No no no
Me
Can't take that away from me = Mariah Carey
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Today God spoke to me.
If you are thinking alg e lines of spiritual well being..
You are.. well. ERm, a lil off the line.
Today he spoke to me.
God asked for my name.
And he thought Ive been a Nurse for along time.
And I.. Got to know God.
He.
is YOUNG (An age grp I like Men to be in)
Confident..
Gentlemanly: He pushed the bed all the way, took the oxygen cyclinder & kept reminding me not to hurt myself..
(Awwwwwww)
DROP DEAD GORGEOUS *Jaw drops on the floor*
Where he graduated from (Nt a secondary school drop out)
God's new job
God's old job
& his plans.
All these I found out abt the guy who was made to look like a Greek God. With his beautifully chiselled face, ALL of my gerls were grinning with that knowing smile when I walk out of the ward with my patient.. & God himself. How could anyone not notice him? Intellingent, confident, Dashing & Juz plain charming... I'd die & melt into the floor... & he asked for my name b4 my brain could even signal any activity to send an impulse to my mouth (In simple terms, to actually TALK)
****SIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH****
Other than all those things, I now know his name.. & even whr he stays *Winks*
Can you imagine how funny what you can find out in the time distance while transporting your patient to the x ray dpt and back? All in 1/2 hr.
Now I know why most of my friends say that if you are in a relationship, it would be best tested when you are placed in a new environment. Like look at me. 3 mths into my job. And already I've found my 2nd crush... hahaha
Hmmm.. but well, crushes are all I have. someone who's emotionally, mentally & physically drained wont even think abt FALLING IN LOVE.
And if you wanna talk abt love. I still believe in it. Juz that I dont think I will fall in love with any of my crushes. They are juz that. And work is work. Im not in a hurry. Im still young....
But what Im saying is. Im happy Ive met the best looking & most well behaved Men ever. At least I know, they are still in existence.
Well, if not they. Than at least him.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Have u ever.. came to work @ 640 and left at 1830? And ur supervisor still can ask if u wanna attnd a talk @ 6-930 pm? Omg. Is this what my life has come to?
Im glad to say that it hasnt. Well not totally!
Ok yes I ended work @ 6.30... bt I went to harbour front to have dinner @ breeks! Hw cool is that? And den we tk a cab to university cultural ctr to watch the johore cultural show feat ct nurhaliza..
I have nvr quite realised the strength n quality of her voice til i heard her live.. She's fantastic realli. no wonder every1 loves her so much..
So my friday evening was a happening one. Considering everything was FOC!
Oh & I met Nad @ e cultural ctr. Weird place. Seems like I keep on bumping into pple at the weirdest places & time.
Hmm..
Oh BTW the crush is juz a crush la... hasnt talked to him today.. hmm...
It's juz a lil crush..
Not like I faint everytime we touch
It's juz some little thing..
Not like everything I do depends on you...
Thursday, September 01, 2005
And so, pple have commented that I looked like Ive lost wt. And I was thinking was that even possible knowing that I weigh at a mere 40 kg. Tsk tsk.
So aniwae, Sean said I looked healthy considering Im actualli not. And hey hey I passed my IV test... wow wow.
So tomorrow I have a date with my mom n aunt. My mom's a v nice person. Any1 who gts to know her (or have her as a mom in law) is lucky. hehe... im not juz saying this to promote myself ok. Not that despo.
Everytime I tk train rides.. I always gt lost in my tots. I wonder is it bcoz Im being surrounded by strangers.. and juz looking at dem sparks off my thinking? It's more of a brooding...
I nvr can understand my life. Whr it's going or even y. Im living it... but sometimes, I feel like im the 3rd party watching it from the outside rather than the one going through it..